


The Life Encounters of Mr. Legs

by Thatoneguyeveryoneknows



Category: Original Work
Genre: Cheating, Dark Comedy, Death, Drinking, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Legs, Mer-men, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Original work - Freeform, Trigger Warnings, mermaid, not that good
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-24 18:16:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20362933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatoneguyeveryoneknows/pseuds/Thatoneguyeveryoneknows
Summary: Have you ever felt stuck in your life? What about your own body? This story is about Mr. Legs. A man (or more accurately half a man, both literally and figuratively,) who has become trapped in his boring, bleak life and his unusual body.





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> So Mr. Legs is a character I came up with like five years ago and through the years me and my friends have made this ongoing joke that's turned into the plot of this story.  
I've made many works that have to do with Legs, but I wanted to see if anyone else besides my junior year creative writing teacher likes the idea.  
Please comment suggestions for his story or if you like it at all. Thanks for reading!

Have you ever felt stuck in your life? What about your own body? This story is about Mr. Legs. A man (or more accurately half a man, both literally and figuratively,) who has become trapped in his boring, bleak life and his unusual body. 

Born a reverse mer-man (fish half on top and human half on bottom,) Legs has been exploited his whole life. His mother forced him into child acting and once his career became an epic flop he got the first job he could, with the minimal amount of training, in accounting. He now works at an office full of brain dead idiots who seem to only get pleasure from tormenting him with puns and innuendos. He often thinks that he'll be exploited until there is nothing else to exploit, even if it gives the other person no gain.

Trapped in a marriage with a verbally abusive drunk who only took interest in him in the first place because she was a marine biologist (until she repeatedly got demoted to janitor work at an aquarium,) Legs finds no escape from his work even at home.

His one rare grab at happiness takes shape in his son Charlie, a goldfish with the brain of a child. Or maybe just a goldfish. Legs likes to take Charlie out to a lake nearby their house and chat with him about his impression of the world. Legs finds that he lives for these chats, even if they are one sided, as he struggles to find meaning in his average day-to-day.

The end of his story will be sad and unsatisfying, much like the end of all our stories. But to quote Henry Winkler in that one episode of Bojack Horseman, “There's no shame in dying for nothing. That's why most people die.”

Please join me in learning the story of Mr. Legs, a fish-man with absolutely nothing to look forward to, as he encounters what little his life does have to offer.


	2. Just Keel Swimming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get our first glimpse into the life of Mr. Legs

1972-  
When Legs was nine, he and his mother appeared on Terry Daniel’s local morning talk show, Good Morning, Terry. It wasn't a very well-known show, but it was popular in the area. Legs was nervous about the show. He did fine in front of casting directors during auditions, but this was live and in front of a big crowd of people who'd done nothing but point and whisper about him since he and his mother took the stage. 

“Five minutes until we're back,” some man wearing big headphones shouted. Legs caught a glimpse of Terry Daniels getting his hair brushed from behind the curtain.

His mother must've noticed him clam up because she said softly, “Legs, don't worry about Terry. He's a nice man. This'll be good practice for when you go on set Tuesday.” This comforted Legs. If he could make it through this, he would be fine come Tuesday morning. “Just don't let your voice get all high pitched like it does when you're nervous,” his mother warned. Legs looked up at her, his nerves again going haywire. Daniels walked over to them.

“Mrs. Legs, nice to meet you,” he said hurriedly as he shook her hand.

“Nice to meet you! I watch your show every morning.”

“Well, I appreciate it. Nice to meet you, son,” he greeted as he held out his hand to Legs. He almost took it back once he got a look at the young child and saw that he had no hand to shake. But Legs was quick to put out his fin for the man to awkwardly take.

“Thank you for having me,” he said, trying to keep him voice low.

“Thanks for being here,” Daniels said with a grimace as he wiped his hand on his pants before he took his seat across from them.

“Coming back! Lights! Cameras,” the man shouted as Legs watched Daniels plaster on a fake smile. The shouting man went quiet as he held up a hand, counting down his fingers until he got down to zero.

On cue the audience shouted, “good morning, Terry!”

“Good morning to you too! Welcome back to a very exciting episode of Good Morning, Terry where we have some very special guests: Barbara Legs and her son Mr. Legs!” Legs smiled and tried not to look too nervous as he felt the cameras zoom in on him in, what else, but a sailor suit. “Legs here is what medical professionals are calling ‘medical phenomena’.”

“That's right, Terry,” Barbara chimed in, “Legs here was born with a fish body and human legs.”

“Now that is just amazing. It looks like a mermaid that got a little turned around!” The audience laughed at Daniels’ joke, but Legs didn't get it. “Now, when he was born what was the first thing that came to your mind,” he asked his mother.

“I was thinking ‘Jiminy Cricket, what happened in there’!” The audience burst out in laughter again. Legs gave a weak smile.

“So, the fish half grows in proportion with the human half?”

“That's right. He seems to be a perfectly healthy boy. Or fish. Whatever.” The audience again laughed, but Legs was hurt by the comment. He looked up at his mother with a confused expression, which she ignored.

“And Legs, I understand you're going to be on a television show soon.” Legs brightened up and opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by his mother.

“Yes! He'll be appearing in an episode of All In The Family.”

“Well that'll be fun! Are you excited?” Again, Barbara cut Legs off before he could speak.

“Oh, he's thrilled. I can barely get him to stop talking about it!”

“Well you can't blame him for that! Speaking of his success, what do you make of Legs himself?” 

The young boy gave the host a confused look, one he then gave to his mother when she said, “I think he's a very special little boy.”

“Very special indeed.”

After the show ended and Legs and his mother were on their way out of the (unexpectedly dank) warehouse where the show was filmed, when he got up the courage to talk to her.

“Why didn't you let me talk at all,” he asked meekly.

“I just didn't want you to stutter like you do when you're nervous.”

“I thought my voice got higher.”

“You do that too,” she answered without even sparing him a glance. As they walked past Daniels’ dressing room, Legs heard him shouting inside.

“This isn't a freak show, Ted! I refuse to have another sideshow attraction take up an entire segment of my show!” Legs gulped down a lump in his throat and followed his mother outside. He decided to just let her talk at the next interview.  
_____________________________________________  
2002  
It's Thursday evening, and Legs has spent his whole day since 6 AM right where he is now; in his cramped cubicle at his drab office. He taps away at his keyboard, the slab of plastic laying on the ground below his desk so he can type with his feet. A difficult task but one he's been doing since college. 

Once he finally fixes the error, done in the first place by the new temp but he was blamed for, he turns off his computer and stares at the black screen for a long moment, taking in his reflection. He's older now and he looks it. He never thought he could look older, but his fish face tells him that if he could, he'd have plenty of wrinkles. He also never thought he would live this long and often, usually around his birthday, he thought about the life expectancy of a fish. He was almost disappointed when he passed the marker.

He stands up with a groan and uses his fin to slip his satchel over his head before he slips his loafers back on and starts to make his way to the front door. He's surprised when he sees the secretary, Rebecca, is also just now getting ready to leave.

“Kline’s got you working late too,” Legs asks as he comes to a stop in front of her desk. She gives him a smile as she stands up from her seat.

“He wanted me to transfer our old expense reports to a new system on his computer,” she explains.

“Wait, didn't he say he's getting a new computer after New Years?”

“Oh yeah.”

“You're gonna have to transfer it again, won't you?”

“You better believe it,” Rebecca says with a smile as she slips on a jacket.

“At least he's thorough.” The redhead laughs.

“Yeah, he's got that going for him.”

“Well, good luck. I'm sure he'll accidentally delete it all by Monday,” Legs jokes as he continues on his way out.

“Oh, definitely,” Rebecca says with a bright smile.

“Goodnight,” Legs calls as he walks out the door.

“Goodnight,” the younger woman responds, watching him as he goes.

Back at home Legs is greeted by the sight of his wife, Karen, sitting on their couch, watching TV and nursing a beer.

“You were out late,” she says without looking up at him.

“There was a problem with the Christmas bonuses,” Legs explains as he lets his satchel fall off of him and goes to sit next to her.

“They better be paying you overtime.”

“They are.” 

“They didn't last time,” she says, her voice rising in volume.

“They for sure will this time,” Legs says, his own voice growing tired.

“Good. Lord knows you barely make enough as it is.”

“I make 140k a year,” Legs asks in a confused tone.

“Then how come your card keeps getting declined when I go shopping,” Karen says matter-of-factly as she gets up from her spot, turning the TV off as she does. Legs rolls his eyes at the action. “I'm going to bed,” she says as she walks out, taking her beer with her.

“Goodnight,” her husband says to her. Her only response is her bedroom door closing. Legs sighs heavily and again finds himself staring at his reflection on the black screen of the TV. He doesn't have long to contemplate his morality when stomach growling pulls him from his thoughts. He gets up and goes into the kitchen where there's a pile of dirty dishes stacked around the sink. He chooses to ignore it for now and gets out what he needs to make a sandwich. 

He opens the fridge and comes face to face with a can of tuna sitting half eaten on the top shelf. He forces himself to not think of the symbolism and instead grabs the turkey, lettuce, and cheese before closing the door. Once his sandwich is made he puts the ingredients back in the freezer instead; to forgo catching a glimpse of the tuna again. He eats his sandwich alone in the dark kitchen, the only light coming from the fluorescent bulb above the stove.

The next morning after he's ready for the day, he goes into a small bedroom across the hall from his own. The walls are painted blue and there's a shelf filled with toys and children's books and a large window taking up the far wall. It looks perfect for a little boy, but instead of furniture, the only thing in the room is a large fish tank that lines the wall. Legs goes up to the tank and looks around until he sees a small goldfish swimming around in the water.

“Good morning,” Legs greets the fish. The fish does not respond. “What're you up to today?” Again, no response. Legs gives him a smile. “I'll be working late again tonight, but Claire will be home so you'll have plenty of company.” Legs gives the unconcerned goldfish one more smile before leaving the room and going into the family room where his daughter Claire sits, typing away on her phone. “Good morning, honey,” he says as he makes his way towards the kitchen.

“Morning,” she mumbles out. “Oh hey, dad?” Legs stops and turns to face her.

“Can I borrow some money to hang out with Haley tonight?”

“You can't go out tonight.”

“Why not,” Claire asks, confused.

“You're babysitting.”

“Babysitting?”

“Charlie needs someone to look after him,” Legs says sternly.

“No he doesn't. He's a fish.”

“Yes, he does. He's already spending the whole day alone, you could at least do homework in his room to keep him company,” Legs says as he starts to walk away again. He stops when she continues on, his anger begins to bubble up in his gut.

“No one does homework on a Friday,” she argues, “and besides, I'm not wasting my time hanging out with a fish! I mean, Christ’s sake, a dog would've be more fun to spend time with!” Legs whips around to face her.

“He's not just a fish,” he shouts, catching her by surprise. “He's your brother and you're going to spend time with him!” Obviously shaken by his sudden outburst, Claire gets up and storms back to her room.

“This is such bullshit,” she yells back at him. He doesn't respond and walks slowly into the kitchen where Karen is packing her lunch, already dressed in her aquarium uniform.

“What was that about,” she asks.

“Claire wants to go out tonight but I told her she has to watch Charlie.”

“Why? It's not like he's going anywhere,” Karen says as she opens the fridge and starts to look through it.

“That's not the point. He's her brother, she should want to spend time with him.”

“But she doesn't. No one likes babysitting their little siblings. I can't imagine it's any easier when the sibling is a fish,” she says, absentmindedly as she continues to look through the fridge to no avail.

“I just hate the idea of him spending the whole day alone,” Legs says quietly. This gets Karen's attention as she looks up at him from behind the refrigerator door.

“I'll see if I can come home early.”

“Really,” Legs asks, surprised.

“Yeah, really. Fuck, where is that turkey,” she shouts as she continues her search.

“It's in the freezer.” Karen pauses to give him a confused look before opening the freezer door and pulling the turkey out.

“Why was this in here?”

“I, um. Uh,” Legs stutters.

“You're a freak,” the tired woman says before she continues to make her lunch. “Claire! We gotta go soon,” she calls out. After a moment Claire stomps into the kitchen and starts shoving her last night's homework into her backpack where it sits on the counter. She makes a point to not look at Legs. “I'm gonna watch Charlie tonight so you can hang out with your friends,” Karen tells her.

“Really,” Claire asks, excitedly. She runs over to her mom and hugs her as she finishes up her lunch. Legs smiles at her as she does. Claire doesn't notice. “Thank you so much! Can I have twenty dollars for the mall,” she asks on cue as soon as she steps back from her.

“Take it out of your dad’s wallet,” Karen says, not bothering to spare Legs a glance. Claire runs to the family room to fish it out of his satchel. Legs almost opens his mouth to protest but decides against it. He watches in silence as Karen throws the turkey back in the fridge, picks up her lunch bag and follows her daughter to the family room. “Okay, let's go,” she calls.

“Claire, don't forget your backpack,” Legs yells out to her. She comes back in and shoves what looks like more than twenty dollars into her bag before she slings it over her back. “Hey, honey. Could you do the dishes before you go out,” Legs asks, nodding towards the ever growing pile in the sink.

“Sure,” Claire says, not sounding too convincing before she runs off to catch up with her mom. Legs sighs and goes to make his own lunch when his eyes catch a glimpse of the clock. He's going to be late for his meeting.

“Shit,” he curses. “Shit. Shit. Shit.” He puts on his satchel as quickly as he can (considering he has no arms,) and rushes out to his car. By the time he makes it to work he's only fifteen minutes late. “How bad is it,” he asks Rebecca as he speedwalks pass her desk. 

“They just went in.”

“Thank god.” Legs goes straight into the conference room, trying to go unnoticed as their boss, Kline, greets them all for the day.

“And we’ll be ending the meeting with a brief presentation on what next years quarterlies will look like. Legs. How kind of you to join us,” he says, bringing everyone's attention to the fish-man who could never go unnoticed, as he sits down in the back corner of the room.

“I'm sorry I'm late, sir.”

“What happened, Legs? Was there a strong current on your drive,” a man, the top salesman, shouts out in a whiny voice. The rest of the meeting goers laugh. Legs struggles not to glare too hard at the salesman, Keith Bradley.

Keith Bradley was the most recent person in Legs’ life to make it a living Hell. With his bleached teeth and bleach blond hair, Keith took every opportunity to embarrass Legs. Well, when he has the time from brown nosing Mr. Kline.

“It won't happen again,” Legs says sharply, ending the laughter. 

“Be sure that it doesn't,” Kline says in a promising tone. “Well, since you have our attention, why don't you start us off? Did you fix the problem with the Christmas bonuses?”

“Yes, sir. As discussed, the salesmen will get a larger percentage than last year and everyone else's will stay the same.”

“And not the other way around,” Kline asks, referring to the error the temp had made the previous day.

“Yes, sir. I'm sorry about the confusion,” Legs says, his tired eyes meeting Kline’s dark ones. Debra from customer relations speaks up and somewhat eases the tension with her stupidity.

“I'm still not very happy with the salesmen getting a bigger bonus than the rest of us,” she says in a self-assured tone.

“I'm fine with it,” Keith jokes, earning another laugh from everyone. Everyone but Legs that is.

“We agreed three weeks ago that that was the way to go. That we need to keep the salesmen happy right now,” Legs reminds her, trying not to sound too rude.

“Well, I change my mind. I think everyone should get a smaller raise instead,” Debra says, folding her hands in front of her and giving him a smirk as if she's just come up with some genius plan.

“I'm afraid that that's not possible. Mr. Kline already made the decision and the bonuses are all ready to go out,” Legs says, keeping his tone and expression steady. She gives him a shocked look.

“He's right, this has already been finalized. We need to move on,” Kline says before he continues on with the meeting. Legs leans back in his chair and ignores the deep glare Debra sends his way.

Awhile after the meeting, Legs is back typing away at his computer when Kline comes out of his office to make an announcement.

“Excuse me, everyone! Can I have your attention?!” Everyone goes silent and turns to look at him. Legs watches as Keith rushes to go stand next to him. “A week from today, we will be hosting our annual Christmas party!” The office breaks out in applause and some wolf whistles. Legs looks around at all of them until his eyes land on Rebecca. She looks just as bored as he is. “This year I came up with something a little different. This year, we’ll be holding a raffle!” The office breaks out in excited chattering. Legs watches as Rebecca rolls her eyes, looking annoyed and run down. “Rebecca will be putting a bowl in the break room and you can all put your name in once.” Some people chuckle politely while Keith lets out a full on belly laugh, trying to gain Kline’s praise. He only gets an irritated side-eyed glance. “And the winner will receive a special gift. That'll be all! Thank you,” he finishes up before heading back into his office, Keith in tow. Legs walks over to Rebecca.

“The raffle was your idea wasn't it,” he asks with a smile.

“He made me come up with a list of ideas for the party and turned down all of them. Including the raffle,” she says with a tight smile.

“You're not gonna skip out this year are you? I know you love that elf hat he makes you wear,” Legs says sarcastically.

“Oh yeah. And how he asks me every year if I've been naughty.”

“How could you miss that?”

“Well I don't think I could stay away from having to put up all the decorations, serve drinks the whole time, and put out the fruitcake that everyone brings. Every year,” Rebecca says with a smile.

“You can just hide in the corner with me,” Legs offers. 

Rebecca flashes him a wide smile before it fades as she asks, “is Karen coming this year?”

“I mean, she hasn't said she isn't.”

“Good. That's good. I haven't seen her in while,” the secretary says, sounding almost disappointed.

“I promise I won't let her bring a fruitcake,” Legs says, trying to get her to smile again. She does and Legs gives her one of his own before the both go back to their desks. Sadly, he finds Keith waiting for him.

“Saw you talking with Rebecca,” he says as Legs sits down and starts working again.

“Yup,” Legs says lamely, not wanting to strike up a conversation.

“She's a cutie,” Keith says grossly as he peers over the cubicle wall to look at her.

“She's pretty young.”

“For you maybe.”

“For both of us.” Keith looks back down at him and shoots him a glare, which Legs ignores.

“Are you gonna enter the raffle?” Legs sighs.

“Probably not.”

“I think you should. It'll be really fun. I'm picking the prize.”

“That's great, Keith,” Legs says as he struggles to concentrate. He has to hold in a sigh as Keith leans in close to see what he's working on.

“Why are you finalizing the departments’ budgets for next year? Kline put Carl on that.”

“He did,” Legs asks, turning to look up at the salesmen.

“Yeah.”

“He put a temp on finalizing budgets,” Legs asks, incredulously.

“It's basically the same as last year’s, right? Don't worry about it.” 

“Okay,” Legs agrees, happy to not have to stay late.

“Catch ya later,” Keith says, flashing his too-white smile before he walks away from the cubicle and into his office. 

Legs rolls his eyes and opens his email, sending Carl a quick, “let me know if you need any help” message before going back to work.

It was nice to get home at a decent hour for once. Legs planned to open a bottle of wine that Karen hadn't found yet, make himself a real dinner, and eat in Charlie’s room and keep him company since he was sure Karen didn't plan on doing that herself. He was surprised, however, to find her getting ready to leave when she promised to stay and watch their son.

“Where are you going,” Legs asks as he stops in the doorway, taking in her form fitting dress and nicely done hair and makeup that contrasts her everyday-look.

“Me and Debra are getting drinks,” Karen says, not meeting his eyes as she grabs her purse.

“I thought you were watching Charlie.”

“I was when you were working late, but now you're home,” she says, walking over to the door and stopping in front of him, waiting for him to move so she can go. 

Legs sighs and asks tiredly, “did Claire leave?”

“Awhile ago, yeah,” Karen says in an impatient voice. Legs finally relents and steps to the side so she can go. He doesn't jump when she slams the door closed behind her.

He starts to slowly make his way to the kitchen, much like he'd done that morning, and turns on the light to find the pile of dishes left untouched. He stares at them for a long moment and ignores his noisy stomach before heading back to Charlie's room. He pauses at the door, his fin resting against the wood. 

“I don't know what I have to say to him,” he thinks to himself. He decides against it and turns around and goes into his own bedroom.

It's been converted from an office. The desk is still in place, but the pull out couch is now permanently pulled out and his miscellaneous items are strewn around the room. Legs sits down on his thin yet bumpy mattress and looks up at the poster that hangs above the desk on the adjacent wall. It's a poster of Dory from Finding Nemo with the quote, “Just Keep Swimming” written along the bottom. It was a gag gift from a secret santa at the Christmas party years ago, but Legs still found himself staring at it, for sometimes hours at a time, nearly everyday.

“Just keep swimming,” he mumbles to himself, “just keep swimming."

**Author's Note:**

> Here is a better description of Legs for reference:  
-He has a large fish head and torso that are in proportion to his human legs so they're pretty big.  
-His legs are totally normal except they're crazy flexible because he has to use them a lot.  
-He wear slacks and loafers that're easy to slip on and off so he can use his feet.  
-His fins are fairly strong (for a fish) but he can't really use them so a lot of what he uses are handicap accessible for people without arms.  
-(If you were wondering) how he drives is he has to lean really far forward in his seat and use his fins to steer. It's very difficult.  
-His fish half is a goldfish.  
Hopefully this is helpful but I really want that aspect to be more up to how the reader imagines him.  
Thank you!


End file.
